someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
