Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
