I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
did i walk over a car last night?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
