suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
