So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
