That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
