Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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