Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
