end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just found a bag of teeth...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
