Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
