so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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