They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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