Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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