she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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