i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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