I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
