Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
