wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
