He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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