I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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