is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
