i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
