I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
