Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
