Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
