Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I touched a dick in church today
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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