Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
