dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
