I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
