nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
