woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
