Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Houston, we have a squirter
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
