can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
