dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
