Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
