Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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