capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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