happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
