Christians are straight up FREAKS
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im holly from the hills drunk
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
