I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
