Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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