Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
