I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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