That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
