i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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