I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
