I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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