Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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