so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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