I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
