Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
