And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize